UPDATED: In my old hometown of Chicago, the most venerable institution - apart from the eternally and venally corrupt Democratic political machine; the wind off Lake Michigan; the Cubs; and the combo sandwich at Mr. Beef - is probably the elevated commuter train lines known as "The El." The El is run by the Chicago Transit Authority, or CTA. Actually, the El is part subway, but the name sticks, because the elevated tracks loom large downtown and elsewhere. Starting with a very user-friendly extension of one line out to O'Hare Airport in the 80s, the El system has been expanding. There've been service cutbacks on some lines, and since 1995 a hare-brained "all stops" policy that along with poor track conditions has markedly slowed the heavily used Red Line which runs through North Side neighborhoods bordering the lake. Moreover, as the Chicago Tribune reports today, system communications with users are pretty crummy. Things are always happening - trains running late, stops being changed, trains breaking down, crippling blizzards, you name it. But related announcements aired on the platforms and in the trains are often so badly garbled, passengers can't understand them; sometimes these helpful notifications aren't even made. When the temperature is -28 or 112 (it's usually one or the other in Chicago - by the way), such niceties are helpful.

These mishaps are just one indication among many that Chicago government isn't really about the business of delivering value to taxpayers, but instead as in years past, of ladling up the gravy for "connected" Democratic political hacks in consulting, trucking, construction, maintenance, disposal and a slew of other industries. Thundering newspaper exposes have changed little over the decades; and there are flowerpots, bike paths and odd public art everywhere now, so things must be good, right? Anyway: eventually an El train comes, and you still get where you're going, without a soul-sucking parking hunt. You're entirely free to make up the lost time with obnoxiously loud cell phone conversations about not much at all, as Chicagoans so often do on the El. No one hands out citizen cell-phone citations in Chicago, you'd get a fist in the kisser.

And so while not exceedingly pleasant, one must grudgingly admit the El reflects well the tarnished but obdurate spirit of Chicago.

Now though, a twain has been crossed. As the Tribune reports in another article today, a 10-foot high, erect double phallus will grace a Brown Line Station at Kimball Square (see smaller-scale model, below at right). In the name of public art; funded by the federal government. Some Chicagoans, bless them, have arisen to express their concern. However the artist Josh Garber has a very different explanation. He also says if you find the thing a bit raunchy, well, you're the perv, not him.

Struck by the neighborhood's diversity, Garber decided to do something that would include as many people from as many different backgrounds as possible. He settled on an abstract sculpture of a plant. "In Cambodia, the idea of planting a flower signifies hope and renewal and the flower is a symbol of growth and opportunity," Garber explained. "So I thought in that area where there are a lot of immigrants and a lot of refugees that it would be appropriate to design something that gives some sense of optimism, of growth or hope, to kind of uplift the community without being too literal." He proposed a piece that has two structures, each standing 10 feet high and 46 inches wide. The structures represent plants with blossoms at the top and four petals, which can be used as seats, at the bottom.

Yes, the alderman who described the piece as having a "pornographic nature" is - as longtime Chicagoans will know - indeed a notorious chucklehead. Less so, however, the many lay-persons with essentially the same reaction after images of the sculpture were e-mailed about.

Garber found the comments ridiculous. No one who has seen the models of the sculptures thought they were phallic, he said. "If you see the pieces in person, it's absolutely untrue," he said. "It takes a very, very peculiar imagination to come up with that kind of association."

Well color me peculiar, Josh. But I see two great big schlongs with humungous balls (is this a gay thing, maybe?). I see a government-subsidized scam artist snickering and high-fiving his artiste-y pals in a loft somewhere, over glasses filled with Campari, soda and lime slices. (I'm "visioning" - OK?) Finally, I see the values of modern-day performance art seeping into public art, albeit modulated just a wee bit. I do not propose censorship; I propose the application of marketplace economics to art. Let Harper craft his gleaming members, his vivid vulvas, his penultimate Turd On The Plaza. But guardians of the public purse strings should let - nay, compel - him and all other artists to sell their fine works exclusively to non-government entities. Aren't there corporate rubes enough for this kind of stuff? Or are the shafts planned for the Kimball Square El station meant to represent the CTA's current service ethic?

TECHNORATI TAGS: CHICAGO, PUBLIC ART, EL, CTA, SCULPTURE, PHALLIC, JOSH GARBER, KIMBALL SQUARE

Posted by Matt Rosenberg at September 19, 2006 11:01 AM