A "goose population" problem is another way of referring to a "goose poop" problem, and many towns and cities have one, including Seattle. Oakland's got it bad, and New York's Central Park, too. Humans certainly bear some responsibility.

Several decades back, when Canada Geese populations were languishing, we reintroduced them to urban settings, and now their numbers have soared. Why? One factor: like utter dolts, we feed them bread and other yummies. Then we can barely walk in the resultant poop. The first part makes us feel good, and "connected to nature" - although of course in nature, animals find their own food. We've subsidized their diet in other ways. Urban parks, with grasses geese love to eat, are perfectly situated: near water (ponds, etc.) but away from natural predators. It's a recipe for....recreational land asset desecration. The point is not to bemoan urban parks; they're crucial. But we must better, ah, "manage" goose populations.

Portions of Seattle's Green Lake Park are virtually unuseable due to goose poop, as are many beaches and the water on Seattle's eastern shores bordering Lake Washington. Seward Park, a large urban park and forest with Lake Washington public beaches, on Seattle's southeast side, is particularly afflicted with goose poop; all over the grass near the park's entrance, and on the swimming beach, and the south-facing, Mount-Rainier-view waterfront.

And Seattle is supposed to have "solved" its goose poop problem. Countless other parks nationwide are similarly afflicted.

Solutions include border collies, chemicals on the grass, expanded hunting, and expanded state powers to do things such as addle eggs and destroy nests.

In Seattle, authorities managed to get clearance to gas to death thousands of geese in special trucks, for several years. Success was declared, but they're back in force, and some 100,000 are expected here by 2014.

It's really very simple. If my neighbor wants to let his back yard remain full of dog poop, or goose poop, that is his business. It is no imposition on me.

However, if my city wishes to allow the same conditions in public park lands, the purchase and maintenance of which are borne by our household, and other property tax payers, I am suffering a severe imposition by not being able to walk, sit or otherwise recreate on the grass, or use the feces-infested beach or swimming area.

Parks are for human recreation; they are not intended to become goose bathrooms, even by default.

It's a man eat goose world out there. I don't know about you, but I know which side I'm on. Bring back the goose gas chambers to Seattle; or at least packs of border collies. Maybe, just maybe, we also need our own, large-scale West Coast foie gras operation - if pre-emptive legislation can be defeated. Some Aussie bounty hunters should be in the mix, too. They sure know what to do about rampaging 'roos, I'll say that.

TECHNORATI TAGS: GOOSE POOP, OAKLAND, NEW YORK, CENTRAL PARK, SEATTLE, SEWARD PARK, SOLUTIONS, FOIE GRAS

Posted by Matt Rosenberg at January 16, 2006 10:14 AM