San Franciscans are not always known for their decorous behavior; this includes elected officials who sometimes suffer rather remarkable lapses of judgement in the service of their progressive ideology. His Royal Highness Prince Charles and Her Highness The Duchess of Cornwall (the Queen) are coming to San Francisco for a few days, starting tomorrow, and protocol professional Sherri Ferris has a few tips for all concerned. Ferris is a bit concerned after watching the exceedingly familiar way New Yorkers behaved around the royals, and recalls - with a nervous shudder - a visit to Southern California some 22 years ago.

During Queen Elizabeth II's visit to California in 1983, a welcoming Southern California government official herded her royal majesty around a museum, his arm around her shoulders -- a real no-no. In San Francisco, the press shouted such indignities as "Hey, Queeny -- what's in your purse?" The experience rattled the queen's footmen to such an extent that they and the crown jewels were left behind in the motorcade, as the queen's airplane departed.

The horror! Imagine! Methinks the queen's footmen ought to have been made of sterner stuff. More:

In case you should find yourself in the royal presence, here are some tips on proper conduct:

-- Arrive on time; dignitaries and royals arrive last and leave first. One should never keep a royal waiting.

-- Don't touch them unless they initiate the touch.

-- Men should give a slight bow and women should curtsy.

-- Women are required to wear gloves when being presented to the queen, but it depends on the formality of the event whether gloves are worn for introductions to the prince.

So, what if a woman is to be introduced to The Queen and then Bonny Prince Charlie in quick order, at a decidely less formal event? What is the protocol for quickly removing her gloves before greeting the prince? Does she hastily whip them off and stuff them in her purse? Hold them in her other hand? offload them to her attendant? Is she allowed to have an attendant, as a non-royal in the presence of royals? Or what? My wife is already puzzling over this one, in anticipation of our upcoming soiree with their Highnesses.

-- Never turn your back on them. Let them depart from you, not the reverse.

-- Address Prince Charles as "Your Royal Highness" and the Duchess of Cornwall as "Your Highness" -- not "Your Royal Highness." Although she is the royal consort of Prince Charles, only Queen Elizabeth II can bestow these titles. The queen did not give her the title of "Princess of Wales," which she did bestow upon Lady Diana.

-- Rise during any toasts and hold your wine glass by the stem, not the bowl.

-- Except for a church offering, royals don't usually carry money (and then the paper currency usually is ironed), so don't expect a gratuity for your good behavior.

I still have some questions.

If you really get on with one of the royals, can you suggest an exchange of e-mail addresses? Or must you wait for them to initiate that?

Is it improper to tell Prince Charles about your blog? Even if you're referring him to a post about his passion, architecture?

Can you say, "Charles, listen, forget about all this formal stuff, receptions and all. Why don't you and The Queen and Camilla come over to my place. Meet the wife and kids, listen to some Sonny Rollins, some old Miles, and have a few glasses of a an unassuming but satisfying Cotes du Rhone while I whip up some Lamb Vindaloo, Aloo Gobi and Sag Paneer. C'mon, don't be a stiff!"

There was a great book published in '94 - fiction, of course - about becoming overly familiar with a royal. The royal being Princess Diana. Peter Lefocurt's Di and I is the story of a forbidden romance that develops between a Hollywood screenwriter sent to England to develop a mini-series script on Diana, and the Princess of Wales herself. The dangerous liaison starts, naturally, with a serious protocol breach. The Stateside commoner actually dances with the princess at an embassy reception. Things develop from there. In a way, the book was sadly prescient, as it showed a Diana utterly at odds with the royal lifestyle, not to mention her effete, aloof husband. I won't give away the ending, but let's just say it's a whole lot better than what really happened.

TECHNORATI TAGS: PRINCE CHARLES, ROYAL ETIQUETTE, SAN FRANCISCO

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Posted by Matt Rosenberg at November 4, 2005 09:18 AM