Brian Alexander of The Seattle Times reports, and I decide: yes, "competitive eating" is disgusting, and shows we're increasingly hard-up for novel thrills. In a deftly circuitous, and blindingly insightful realization, I conclude: chasing new thrills - whether for a risky buzz or as passive spectators - becomes addictive. Soon, watching mayonnaise- and cow brain-eating competitions on ESPN will be as passe as monster truck rallies.

Then, it'll be time for, sheesh, I dunno, uh, high-velocity, REAL head-butting contests, or something else that's suitably painful and late-stages-of-the-Roman-Empire decadent.

More from today's Times as preparations begin for a competitive chicken wing-eating binge in Everett Saturday:

The event is part of the national phenomenon of competitive eating that has grown its own league, with eating celebrities and historic moments. But until now, such eating events have been a rarity in Washington, event organizers said. They're hoping that this event, the Verizon VoiceWing Battle chicken-wing eating contest, will root out local competitive-eating talent while raising the visibility of competitive eating in the Northwest.

Hoo ha! Puget Sound really is in The Big Leagues now!

(George) Shea, of the International Federation of Competitive Eating, said his organization has taken heat from people who say competitive eating seems to disregard issues such as world hunger and the nation's obesity problem. "We're not thumbing our nose at those issues," Shea said. "We're not celebrating excess, we're not celebrating gluttony. It's a sport."

Ah, but that's not all Shea says. In a Knight-Ridder story that ran in an upstate New York paper (free reg. req.), Shea expands on the "it's a sport" theme.

"Without any question, I think of it as a sport. The issue is, does everybody accept it as such and I would grant you that not everybody does," said George Shea, IFOCE chairman. "But (eating contests) have been around for hundreds of years, and in my belief we are more fundamental and basic and essential than many other sports, such as tennis, which in my opinion is somewhat frivolous."

You read that right. Downing large quantities of butter sticks and Spam in a timed, contest setting is "more fundamental and basic and essential than many other sports, such as tennis." Know what? This guy IS good at marketing. He knows he's spouting outrageous B.S., but hey, did I spell his name right, and publicize the "sport eating circuit"? Ya betcha!

Still, it's sick. The Knight-Ridder article also notes:

Just because you can eat 34 brats in 10 minutes, should you? Watching professional eater Joey Chestnut struggle to coax down one final mouthful the size of a fist, one had to wonder. During a contest last week in Sheboygan, Wis., his face turned a sickly shade of crimson. His expression: extreme distress.....James W. Smith, head of gastroenterology at the Ochsner Clinic Foundation in New Orleans, was surprised to find ESPN broadcasting competitive eating and even more surprised to hear the eaters described as athletes....He added: "If you have a healthy gastrointestinal tract, you should treasure it."

Tim Foley at The Hoya, Georgetown University's student paper:

ESPN...is not the only media source to showcase competitive eating. Fox, which has a track record of featuring morally inspiring shows like “Temptation Island,” used to air “The Glutton Bowl,” a series of eight eating events which heralded its winner as “The Greatest Athlete in the World.”..Sports Illustrated and The New York Times have covered competitive eating events as well.....The best argument against competitive eating as a sport comes, not so ironically, from the IFOCE. The group boasts that it has coordinated events and membership in Ireland, Japan, Thailand, Ukraine and several other countries. Conspicuously absent from their list are starving countries like Niger and Sudan, who would love to be able to eat for survival, let alone entertainment. ...Competitive eating deserves to be flushed down the toilet.

This is what happens when frat boys raised on cable TV move into positions of power in the "adult world." I worry for our Republic.

TECHNORATI TAGS: COMPETITIVE EATING

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Posted by Matt Rosenberg at September 29, 2005 10:29 PM