Sigh. Just goes with the territory, I guess. Living in Blue America inevitably means certain very labored, fairly awful things that you could really, really, really do without, are nonetheless woven into the tawdry fabric of your community.

Like the stagecraft of genitalia.

Coming (as it were) to Seattle's Moore Theatre is that inspiring exhibition from Down Under, "Puppetry Of The Penis." Also known as "the ancient Australian art of genital origami."

Just wait 'till you see "The Hamburger." Or "The Windsurfer."

If you can't make it, there's always the DVD.

I should be used to this by now, I know. Last October, Seattle was treated to a work of live theatre entitled, "Laura's Bush." Here's the Seattle Post-Intelligencer review.

"Laura's Bush" takes on serious social issues all right -- but in the style of a lewd cartoon. It seems that the first lady is the prisoner of neo-conservatives. Dody, a small town librarian, notes that Laura blinks "help" in Morse code during her TV appearances. When Laura visits Dody's library, Dody and a prostitute spirit her away to an underground hideout. Together, Laura and Dody explore the "216 positions for lesbian sex." A commando raid ends erotic ecstasy and provides a setup for a White House coup.

"Laura's Bush" was NOT some Seattle alternative theatre mish-mash. No, it was a nationally-staged embarrassment. Here's The New York Times review.

That is not George W. Bush in the White House. It is a former shepherd who worked as a Saddam Hussein double until he had extensive cosmetic surgery to make him look like President Bush. The real Bush (a genius and Kierkegaard scholar who was forced to have a lobotomy because the Republicans didn't want an intellectual president) is imprisoned in a bunker under a Wal-Mart. Laura Bush, trapped into living with the shepherd, has been blinking, "Help me," in Morse code during public appearances, and finally someone - a repressed librarian from Kansas with lesbian tendencies - has noticed and come to her aid.

In the run-up to the '08 presidential contest, theater-goers in Blue America can expect more genitalia-oriented productions without reference to specific politicians.

As the election nears, tho, I'll be expecting something new on stages from Burlington, Vermont to Santa Monica, CA, tying together genitalia and politics.

Maybe a political thriller in which the out-liberal-and-lesbian daughters of Dick Cheney and Alan Keyes engineer a violent overthrow of the state, funded by their wildly successful, multi-level marketing dildo empire which targets repressed, suburban Republican women. George Soros and Alec Baldwin will finance the production.

Also expect to see more real-life politicians in gentalia-themed plays. The precedent is already established. Eugene, Oregon Mayor Kitty Piercy was recently in "The Vagina Monologues."

Luckily, I don't think we have to worry about Seattle Mayor Greg Nickels doing a cameo at The Moore next week for "Puppetry Of The Penis." And that's a great relief.

I like Nickels. He's a pretty nuts and bolts kinda guy.

Posted by Matt Rosenberg at February 18, 2005 06:24 PM

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