Disagreeing with his hippie brother-in-law, Douglas Kern argues at Tech Central Station that Santa lives in a Red State of Mind.
Kern notes that:
Santa Claus is a self-employed Caucasian male who's been married to the same woman for several centuries. It appears likely that he is a churchgoer, insofar as he is a Catholic saint and a former bishop. Is not Santa's political affiliation perfectly obvious from his demographic profile alone?...Santa's aggressive adherence to a binary naughty/nice list suggests an impatience for nuanced moral positions that betrays his Republican preferences.
...Santa's mere willingness to define individuals along a naughty/nice axis demonstrates his indifference to the philosophical stance of, say, The New York Times. And note that no canonical or extra-canonical Clausian text indicates that Santa ever attended college or, God forbid, graduate school.....Santa is clearly a proponent of the Patriot Act. He sees you when you're sleeping. He knows when you're awake. He doesn't bother with warrants or court orders or international conventions controlling satellite surveillance, so be good for goodness' sake.
...As Santa invades American air space every year without retaliation from F-16s, it is clear that Santa has established a good working relationship with NORAD and the Air Force.
There you have it. Santa is indisputably a Republican. Naturally though, a Zogby Poll reaches the opposite conclusion.
Posted by Matt Rosenberg at December 23, 2004 10:00 AM
Trackback Pings
TrackBack URL for this entry:
http://www.rosenblog.com/mt/mt-tb.cgi/628
Why stop at Santa? By the same token, God is even further to the right. His tough love approach to human ills and aloofness from human misery puts him as far from the bleeding heart mentality as can be. God provided the tools to humanity, and it is up to us to do the right thing with them.
Jesus was a liberal though, one of the very few democrats in the Bible. Concern for the downtrodden seems to be a modern sensibility.
Posted by: Michael Gersh at December 23, 2004 12:42 PM"...As Santa invades American air space every year without retaliation from F-16s, it is clear that Santa has established a good working relationship with NORAD and the Air Force."
Probably because the fighter jocks want their Christmas, too.
Posted by: Josef at December 23, 2004 04:58 PMAnd he's about as real as the justification for the Iraq war and the social security "crisis."
Posted by: Carl Ballard at December 23, 2004 06:45 PM