Today in Corvallis, Oregon, I learned why Bush will beat Kerry.

My sophisticated method of divination was as follows. On the last leg of our family's return to Seattle from yet another nearly-two-week escapade in and around Mount Shasta, CA, we spent a night in Corvallis. For the third time in two summers, actually. It's a nice place just about 10 miles off I-5 with a great city park, walking/cycling path and marvellously fun, kid-friendly bathing fountain; all co-joined along the tree-dappled banks of the Willamette River. Another highlight is the attractive, walkable downtown, with a great bookstore called the Book Bin.

And it was there, at the end of an exceedingly pleasant 45-minute family visit, that at the cashier's counter I came across Rocket USA's "Battling Bush" and "Knockout Kerry" seven-inch bop bags. Inflatable novelty items, I guess you'd call them. Each sports a cartoony, but well-done picture of the candidate in boxing trunks, gloves raised, ready to pugilize.

And here's the damn thing, OK? I flicked "Knockout Kerry" back on his heels...and....he didn't bounce back up. He just lay there, flat on his back. I did the same to "Battling Bush" and he sprang right back.

I'm NOT making this up. And mind you, this is in an exceedingly liberal college burg (home to the Oregon State U. Beavers). Another bookstore features Al Franken and Michael Moore tomes in window displays, albeit at 25 percent off. A video emporium sports screaming posters for Moore's latest mockumentary. Pasty locals in pseudo-gypsy garb ride unicycles; two-thirds of the women wear no make-up; and half the men wear blue socks with brown sandals. Kerry-Edwards stickers are everywhere - they'll probably carry Corvallis by at least 4-to-1.

It's unlikely a Rove-wired Bushie at the Book Bin even exists, much less had anything to do with "Knockout Kerry's" damning flaccidity. Having given it a good follow-up grope (my apologies to the formerly-Republican African-American ketchup heiress with five homes who enjoys all those Bush tax cuts for the rich) I can definitively report that the Kerry bop bag wasn't under-inflated.

Even though the candidate himself is over-inflated.

Posted by Matt Rosenberg at September 7, 2004 10:01 PM

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