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We Can Work It Out
May 29, 2004
Some of my best friends have roots on the sub-continent. Alright, one; my wife's maid of honor Kausar, her high-school best pal. Kausar's family is Pakistani. And boy, was her wedding to a super-cool white guy from Menlo Park, CA (Hi Dougmeister!) something else. They met on a Greek island. Naturally they live in The Mission, in SF. We've visited them there several times, and hope they'll join us this summer in Mt. Shasta as we stalk the ancient lost tribes of Lemuria. I greatly respect Indian and Pakistani cultures. (We get to reform of Pakistani madrassas in another post). Indians and Pakistanis stress education, family, food and music. A lot like my people, the Jews, in those respects. But there are some things about Indian culture that are foreign to me. Such as arranged marriages. Yeah, I saw Fiddler On The Roof. Jews did this too, perhaps still do. Other groups as well. My late Grandpa Jacob (may his soul rest in peace) almost didn't attend our 1987 wedding because I was marrying a shikse. That's Yiddish for Gentile woman. In the end he came, and enjoyed himself. I'm thinking about all this because I stumbled across a site devoted to helping arrange marriages between men and women of Indian descent. Shaadi.com is a "matrimonial services provider." See this lovely couple, especially the bride. Yet in the first picture here, does not the groom appear to have had a few too many Pimm's Cups? That crown doesn't help, fellah. And what's up with "Chemicalbrother" and Minaya? He works for Upjohn, or Pfizer? Shouldn't he give his real first name, not a disrespectful alias? Especially given he's a honky? Is the site in the mail-order bride business, too, along with traditional matchmaking? Hope this one isn't some kinda Green Card for money or sex deal. Must be some other reason the bride's staring at the floor so hard. Right? Posted by Matt Rosenberg at May 29, 2004 07:08 PM Trackback Pings TrackBack URL for this entry: Comments:
look at his eyes compared to hers; he appears jaded, to me. They were married in February but I'll bet she's regretting it already. Posted by: Lorna at May 29, 2004 08:14 PMMarriage is a gamble – arranged or otherwise. It is not surprising that most people choose the process of falling in love, enjoying the ecstasy of romance, marrying and living happily ever after. Alas, there are no guarantees that marriages will work or the most carefully laid out plans come to fruition in any aspect of life – marriage, love, business, profession etc. Arranged marriages in India and some other cultures stress the cultural homogeneity and are products of gaining strength from family and social institutions of the particular group. There are no guarantees that arranged marriages last, only that when unions come with guidance support and security of the community they are likely to survive. At least that’s the belief. Of course heavy dose of religion helps because religions depend on the fear, hope and guilt of their followers and the ability of the charismatic religious leaders to interpret the archaic texts to find eternal truths and gain more followers. Arranged marriages are neither good nor bad. Even those people opposed to them admit that so called “love marriages” don’t come with any guarantees. You may court someone special for ages, enjoy the thrills of courtship and marry him/her under the belief that he or she is the perfect match for you. But once married life starts, there are always the pleasant and unpleasant surprises about the partner that come to surface. Arranged marriages may be so old world and love marriages may be so current and thrilling, finally it’s up to the partners to realize marriages last when they come under the stress of everyday survival after the honeymoon fades. And all honeymoons do – irrespective of how the marriage first came to be. A. V. Rao Posted by: A. V. Rao at June 1, 2004 03:57 AMPost a comment
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